I sit down to write but the words won't come. Why? My best guess is I'm guilty of self censorship and for me, as soon as I begin to censor myself creativity shuts down. I wonder why I'm compelled to do this. The thing is I don't only do it when I'm writing. Questioning myself has become second nature. Did I say the wrong thing, is what I'm wearing Ok. I wonder if "they" really liked me and the list goes on and on. It's mind numbing. Here is a thought, I am largely self absorbed. My thought patterns tend to go round and round in my head and they are primarily concerned with me! Uugggg!!
It's not that I set out to think this way. I'd really like be less concerned with my own thoughts and behavior and more focused on making a difference. What stops me? I stop me? How do you change? I'm afraid that the answer may be a simple one. Find a good cause and refocus my energy? If the answer is truly that simple, why do I have such a difficult time doing it? It's so easy to look back over my life and point fingers. This person did me wrong and caused me to do wrong. If only "that" wouldn't have happened I might have been different. If only I had more money then I'd be able to focus more on "positive" things. Do you know what all this is doing to me? For one thing, it's keeping me stuck in pain and it's creating an underlying fear that I'm wrong. Maybe there is a part of me that knows the truth is simple and the power to be whatever I most deeply desire has always been inside of me but then if that is true then it is my fault that I am who I am and not the person I want to be, yet something in that statement doesn't feel right.. I am who I am period, and it's my behaviors that are holding me back? My habits, my thought processes, my actions or lack of them but I am not my habits and I am not my thoughts even though it seems that I am. I pray that I can sort it out. I pray that I can change. I pray that I can make a difference. Thank-you in advance for taking the time to read this.
If you have any insights that you care to share, please do.
Thoughts become words, words become action. You are thinking and those toughts became words and next thing you know you will take action. So keep thinking and writing and you will figure it out.
ReplyDeleteWhen you are bothered that you think too much about your self that is when you need to be doing for others. It doesnt matter how much money you have, it can be simply smiling at someone. You never know what that smile can mean to someone. Or you can call someone and tell them what they mean to you or be there for someone when they are having a hard time.
It is also important to surround yourself with people who do or are what you want to become.